Many people have the custom of making New Year’s Resolutions. I learned long ago that that never works for me. For the last eighteen years, I have been everywhere but home for New Years with one year exception. When you are vacationing at New Year’s in some exotic land, all things seem possible and probable including the fulfillment of resolutions uttered in hapless repartee.
I for one, wait for a different time when things are more realistic. I make Ron Gone Resolutions. For months before Ron leaves for his annual American (cannot use US, because us doesn’t go to the US) vacation, I secretly make my Ron Gone Resolutions or the things I want to get done when I am home alone. My list this year was rather ambitious, but it is always best to set your sights high. It is kind of like the slingshot in Angry Birds. If you don’t aim high, the trajectory is just crap.
Now, I am really fretting. Ron left on Wednesday, today is Sunday, and what have I crossed off of my list so far? Not much. Let’s see what is on it.
1. Lose twenty pounds without exercising – Nope, not yet.
2. Join a gym, hire a personal trainer who tells me I look fabulous and then he quits – Never gonna happen, see number 1 above
3. Schedule and have a nose job – This idea smells of narcissism, but I don’t care.
4. Volunteer a day to pick snails out of the Margaret Island flower beds – It will have to wait for my manicure to grow out.
5. Teach homing pigeons that there is more to life than home.
6. Count the number of websites on the WWW that start with the letters in my initials, end in dot hu, and then put them in alphabetical order. If you say hu, hu, hu three times fast, what does it sound like?
7. Make English labels for all of the groceries in the supermarket so I and other ex-pats will be able to shop faster in the future.
8. Create a new business that caters to desperate Icelandic men in search of a Hungarian puli to adopt.
9. Finish the best selling memoir that is burning a hole in my brain.
10. Write the proposal to find an agent to sell the best selling novel that is burning the hole inside me.
Now that I have put it all out there publicly, I have a moral responsibility to keep you abreast of my accomplishments. Keep your fingers crossed for me and send positive thoughts for now. You can send cash or travelers cheques later on. The calender is ticking. Maybe I need to put “Eliminate mixed metaphors” on the list also.